IV1BHROS2018 Sonya was the toaster and I picked up a gun and shot it because I realised it was named after his ex-wife
I lived with my.. maybe just my mother or maybe my family and the world was very kind of savage. It was quite… you had to have goats and kill them for skin, and make clay pots and things. Although we had some really weirdly modern things like new tents and the horrible thing is if you stayed outside you got attacked by Zombie people. But they were like a minor interference, so you just had to make sure you had a place to hide. And then my dad… there was a man, a detective- maybe it was me, maybe it was my dad,, I’m not really sure- I was watching the detective, he had a fat belly, he kept getting drunk and he know about people who were being stolen. There was some kind of rule like 1-2-3 cars and then someone got stolen from the quarry and so he was up there waiting. And then it was definitely me and I witnessed who got stolen, but I kept falling asleep, it was at 2am if they were going to get stolen and I kept falling asleep. And then… they took me, I was in the car, a vintage car and it was very bumpy and they were people.. yeah, familiar people but dressed like proper men in long overcoats and hats and cigars and what have you. And they took me in their car up a … and we got out and we walked up a small alley. And then I wasn’t afraid of them anymore it was like I’d made communication with them, I’d made friends with them . And then I was getting dressed and ready to go out somewhere with them… not really sure, there was something to do with rollerblading and they wanted me to look more aggressive then I did. They were trying to make me wear a studded belt and I was wearing blue and white stripped short short dungarees and they were like at least wear some tights under them, but you know what dungarees are like so I had to take off all the layers off to get through to the shorts… then back to the city place, it was weird cos my mum tried to move out of town and there was a touring bus that went along a dangerously wobbly cliff edge and it was like a huge double decker bus on a tiny cliff edge view and then we got off the bus in the country side, the women with the buggy had to get really out the way of the bus it was annoying and then there was this man, who we’d known before, but I can’t remember why and he’d never spoken much before I think I had seen him in the pub, whose got like a long coat and a hat and a moustache and a stick for walking around with and he had two goats on chains… and then it was suddenly all zombieish and awful and he was trying to get us to all to live in the countryside and I was saying I’d rather just go back to the city where it’s safer and my mum was saying no we should live here, but actually I kind of understand and he was saying no we’ve nearly done it here, we should stay here. And he made me go back to his house to collect something he needed for the building I’m not really sure what, I don’t really understand the instructions. But it was downhill all the way so I ran really quickly, and inside his house I thought that he needed a piece of flint and I thought that the piece of flint would be inside his toaster and then I realised that he had named his kitchen appliances and all of the names were like… what were they called… Hannah… Sonya , and I can’t remember what else. But, um, Sonya was the toaster and I picked up a gun and shot it because I realised it was named after his ex-wife. No idea what I had against his ex-wife but I did that, and then I pulled the bottom part of the toaster out and got the thing he needed out. Then I realised I might have done the wrong thing so I turned the toaster round so that he couldn’t see the bullet hole and then HE CAME IN THROUGH THE BACK DOOR!... and so I had to shimmy round and try and leave and I left out the front door and I ran down the hill and I ran across the street and ran into the town and I could see a field of tents, and sweet safety and then I think my phone buzzed and I woke up- something spoiled it at that point.
IV1bUGAL2015 Throwing dogs off the roof
I went to an art gallery and people were throwing dogs off the roof and betting on whether or not they would survive. I was enraged and asked awkward questions at a launch. Someone showed a film of me talking about it but with no sound as if to smear me.
IV3bUBIL2014 Some kind of evil musical
I was 21- not true- I was 22. I just moved back to m father’s place – I had to spend the summer there. Then I dreamt I was in Viborg hanging out with my friends on the street and then al of a sudden we are being surrounded by a gang. I fee their tension towards us but I invert it and take their gun. Instead of being angry they headhunt me and before long they take me to see their leader- have you seen nightmare before Christmas? The man with two faces- I was super scared but somehow I become his confident and partner in crime. Then later on we are in a carpark , it has been leading up to this moment I know I have to kill him. I get the gun, it clicks and doesn’t explode and then he leaves and I realise that he’ll bring the gang and come to get me and kill me and then I wake up. The whole dream had the feel of some kind of evil musical.
IV1bHTRE2018 Evil Dutch woman and a long philosophical conversation
I was in a weird party-a school disco- we were dancing in the rain and there were wagamama takeaways everywhere. People kept dragging me off to rooms and toilets to gossip. There were people I knew from different points in my life at this party. At the same time in parallel I was living with an evil Dutch woman who made me load the dishwasher. Later I was crossing a bridge and saw a man dressed up and football hooligans attacking him. I phoned the police but the policeman was taking ages and ages and wanted to have a long philosophical conversation with me.
I was an FBI Agent.
Michael Shannon was my partner.
IV1bHLOL2018 Toffee thieves
There was an obnoxious rich woman talking about all her riches on the television. My brothers and I decided to steal from her. Suddenly we were there, we had the safe open and were trying to decide how much to take. If we took too much the police would want to find us more you see.
There were also these brown things which turned out to be toffees in the safe. We decided to stuff some money and some toffees in a bag and run. Security were after us.
Our mother was trying to help but she was very loud and attracted police attention.
We were in a beautiful garden, and I couldn’t turn corners very quickly. We were nearly at the getaway car when my alarm woke me up.
IV1bUANM2018 Slipped a note
I was at a dinner party and a stranger walked by me and slipped a note into my hand bag. Unfortunately I woke up before I had the chance to read what the note said.
IV1bN?? Seduced by roast chicken
So I had a dream at the age of 7, where my devoted mother was seduced a disappeared with the well known pop artist Tom Jones. Tom Jones sang to her and stole her heart and the eloped together and I spent the next ten years persuading my mother and Tom Jones to return to the family and resume their maternal duties. I was ultimately successful but the family was never the same. He was the colour of roast chicken.
IV1bUCAT2018 Houseboat rave
There was a houseboat rave. There were all these old grumpy grandpas raving and speeding down the river.
IV1bHMOR2017 Laser popcorn robots
I was on a beach with a friend, sort of like one I’d been to once in Edinburgh, straight along with a city on the other side. All of a sudden lasers started shooting at the beach and over our heads into the city. The beach was full of people and they all started ducking and screaming. I looked round from the ground and these giant machine/robots were rising up out of the sea (looking like something slightly Star Wars-esque). Somehow we ended up inside the top of the metal laser gun things and there were creature/people/robot things in there talking to us because they’d captured us. I was starting to freak out a bit and had just realised we were all now wearing the suits too but ours were blue instead of red, when all of a sudden my driving instructor stepped out from the group of captured people to stand up for us. Well anyway, they shrunk him down and forced him into the front of the gun part of the laser. Somehow I ended up outside again in a concrete area near the beach. The robot/humans are searching for me and they’re driving round in tanks. I run into this area and it’s full of popcorn barrels. I’m trying to work out what to do when one of my friends from primary school pops up from inside one of the barrels and tells me to get in one and hide. So I do. The human/robots arrive looking for us and I’m looking up from at them from where I’m hiding and part of my brain knows they should be able to see me, but they don’t. That’s everything I remember.
IV1bHJJ2018 Curious George
A mixture of George Harrison and a man I know in real life didn’t like to bump into people he knew. He didn’t like the obligation of being friendly to them. So whenever he went somewhere in public he wore a bonnet and sunglasses. He thought nobody could recognise him. But we all knew who he was. Whenever he saw us in public he was REALLY unfriendly.
My friend Emily was distraught.. She was in my kitchen relating to me what had happened the other day. She had seen the man in Sainsbury’s and when she’d tried to greet him he had made a rude gesture to her and flashed her! I was really angry, and planned to confront him when I next saw him!
I discover a basement entrance to my house. It has bedrooms, sitting rooms and bathrooms. And then there is an off-limits section that belongs to the landlord. I sneak in, it’s a long windowless room lined with intriguing books. When do they visit? And what’s in the books— do I dare read one, will the landlord catch me snooping around?
IV1bUTRE2018 Skating suits
Someone throws me a white suitcase in a corridor. It has a bomb in it. In a panic, I try to explain to security that it’s not my suitcase while 3 identical versions of the person who threw the suitcase at me skate around in white suits.
IV1bETRE2018 Voyage without ID
I’m towing a giant ship to Iceland with a motor boat. It’s stunning, like a mill-pond incredibly calm. We stop at Orkney, Shetland and the Faroe’s. It all goes very quickly. And then I remember that I forgot my passport and they probably won’t let me into Iceland. I keep quiet.
I went and told some businessmen that they need to have more fun in their lives and played piano for them. In the forest ? appeared wearing a monocle that covered his face and told me that he finally fell in love with her.